Ultimate educational turn-around proposal to transform children's lives in high-need areas: the earbud-method

(Confidential public record! Don't read or distribute unless you are reform-minded)

Dear Fellow Reformers,

As I was reading this report about a major reform-driven teacher training program using earbuds in a revolutionary way, I got inspired and deeply engaged myself in a ground-breaking scientific research. As a result, I can present to y'all the fruit of my efforts, my super-sure program, in five easy steps, to boost children's school performance to the max, while spending the least amount of money and time on teachers and their training. I am proud to report that not only have I carefully preserved all the existing managerial functions in education but I have also strategically positioned myself into inventing new ones to ensure solid success in turning children's lives around with maximum efficiency.

For my presentation, I engaged, through the generosity of my University, the famous Bridespan consulting firm. I think y'all will agree that the work of Bridespan was well worth investing in the $1.9 million taxpayers' money: the presentation now makes the applicability of my transformational research to much-needed charterization self evident.

Here are the 5 steps to maximize test scores. Note the democratic uniformity of the steps across classes and schools, hence the value of my method in eliminating any form of social and economical inequity.

  1. Bud distribution

    Before a test, the test-sergeant ($149K/yr) distributes wireless earbuds ($99/ea) to all the kids in the class. Kids cannot bring their own earbuds, since the buds need to be standardized to ensure objectivity and equal access, so they all are of the same size, color, and professionally crafted by Microsoft solely for educational use in the 21st century.
  2. Microphone placement

    The test-sergeant fun-fully but deliberately engages the kids to sit down in their chairs. He/she then places an also standards-compliant, professionally MS-made microphone ($99) into one of the two hands of the head bubble-coach ($99K/yr) sitting in a carefully and strategically selected, pre-darkened corner of the class room.
  3. Ensure bubble-readiness

    The test-sergeant creatively instructs the kids to open the test booklet and has them engaged to hold their standardized pencils ready for serious but deeply creative and fun-inspired bubble work.
  4. Test engagement

    The test begins with the head bubble-coach telling the kids, speaking clearly and calmly into the microphone: "The answer to test question number one is D as in Ding-Dong. Please make sure, you completely blacken the bubble next to the letter D".
  5. Dynamic error correction procedure

    To ensure maximal performance achievement, democracy and to prevent the possibility of discrimination based on gender, race or disability, two adjunct bubble-teachers ($7.25/hr) will check each kid's bubbling to make sure the correct bubble got bubbled. In case of errors, they will make professional corrections by first carefully erasing the incorrect bubbling and then engaging in the bubblement of the correct bubble. .

That's it. Some of the possible frequently asked questions and answers are as follows.

In conclusion, I need to emphasize that this revolutionary turn-around program needs to be implemented expeditiously. The children of our country are in grave danger in the hands of the current educational establishment: the old, 20th century methods will not allow our children to race to the top. In fact, however difficult it is for me to ponder about this possibility, our children, especially those in the high-need areas, may not even have a chance to compete in the race at all.

Gratefully, with the help-ready, always generous local and global philanthropists, anything is possible. I am hence confident that our children will win the competition in the 21st and other centuries the future may bring. All we need to do is equip them with this new, chance-giving educational tool I hereby christen the earbud-method.